One thing that never occurred to me is to how it likely made mom feel about my (perhaps over) reactions to the book 'Reviving Ophelia'. It's bad enough to know there are those that believe gifting and having your self 'made pretty' is the basis for a solid relationship with children, but to twist this into 'Shopping is bad for you', as was done by Wendy, is just plain silly. It is however, totally consistent with the other spins made on the numerous issues that occurred that either belittled me or made me look paranoid or just plain silly as was the case with the 'Dana trained her dog to pee on just my foot routine.'
How anyone with girls that's read Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls could not feel compelled to interject this information into their daughter's lives as young as possible is impossible for a father of two to understand.
But I ask you to question were moms ill feelings about my wanting the best for Jordan, in those critical years, or was is about about how that and other information was twisted into fodder for very emotional gossip that tore at the center of who she was? I vote is was the latter and that she had help with someone close pouring gasoline on every issue that popped up. She was a manicurist and nothing was ever said about NEVER doing these things, but to not ALWAYS do these things; not to have it define the relationship.
It's pretty easy when you review what passed for gossip being spread by my sister, also the questions and statements mom made to me that she was reacting to someone else. I believe that to be Wally, and if she told you some of the details of her life there, too like I would have begged her to come live with you, but he had some sort of hold on her that I'm only beginning to understand and it is somewhat speculative.
Some might feel bad at not being able to set her straight on these following absolute truths before she departed, but on the contrary, she now knows the full truth. She's also in much better hands than she was of late on this earth. If I'd known earlier how this was twisted around, it would have been clarified with her face to face. If would have been pointed out how the influences we all have in our lives, sometimes by those that we choose to have close, can be quite destructive to more important relationships in our family. Especially if they, for whatever reason, seek to demonize, or even seek to minimize the relationship or what the person is experiencing, and/or as was the case with several 'fake friends' have ulterior motives and use their friendship to further harm our most important relationships with those that truly love us unconditionally.
The rehashing of hurtful mistakes on the part of friends, to fan the flames of hurt and ill feelings, was a consistent pattern with the kids 'fake friends' and clearly a 'marker' that can be used to identity similar friends we may all have.
It certainly is a fact of psychology that a child that is split from a very close parent, regardless of any brainwashing, whether figurative or literal mind control is destined for anxiety and serious troubles as suddenly the source of their information and self esteem is suddenly gone. I was always very encouraging to both girls and I'll never forget Courtney saying, "You just think that because you're my dad." and this was only somewhat true.
It's also a well known fact that a kid that's had poisons interjected on a parent that conflict with those which they know at a very deep level, due to having experienced them their entire life, is going to have trouble. This is just common sense.
Emotional poisons were a regular part of our lives for over 15 years, just at differing levels and using differing entrance points. The knowledge of and failure to recognize these acts within the family, on the part of the girls, who experienced them more with their circles of friends, than I really, confused me more than anything. I believe this was effective due to the people that were either worked into our family or were flipped for personal gain. (ie. IMHO, Wally and Ida.)
The social poisons within our community of friends started being interjected into our lives as early as Courtney's last year at Palmer. This by the teacher that announced to the class there was a missing article and then later announced it had been found in Courtney's locker. She made it look like Courtney had stolen some article, but was then stupid enough to put it into her own wide open cubby locker for the 'teacher' to 'find'. She immediately came home all upset and told me what had happened; Viki and went down and spoke to the principal over it being used to poison her relationships.
Similar random acts of poison continued throughout both of their public school experiences as well, with periodic poisonings within the our family as well; the latter continued through the last weeks. These poisons first effected each of us as individuals within our circles of friends; early on at several different contracts when before this was very rare and only with people I knew that had motives, not complete strangers with no visible motive. Ultimately they tore at the essence of the most important entity to every person, every country and to our very planet: the family unit. Herein lies the most important aspect of this war of social isolation of the targeted individual and why they will always be carried out by the 'nicest' people you will ever know. These acts of social and familial sabotage require infiltration of the friend and family networks, and to infiltrate one must have top flight social skills.
It was then shocking and angering to see Jordan being used in a divorce case after she had been Mobbed at school; this put her over the top and later when I learned of Mind Control/SRA, and it's connection to several powerful private domains, made me wonder if Viki could have been literally brainwashed. Again, this was much later once this technology was found and several symptoms thereof were recalled in her. (Ida too presented with O.C.D. symptoms and her daughter Kelly was said, by Ida, to have "come home brainwashed from Santa Rosa". Ida did not present with the dilated pupils that Jordan and Viki did, and I believe her motivations were more for personal family gain, but she would not report the child abuse she and I were witnessing to her own grandchildren and some of it was over the top like physical abuse to Nathan, Liam and tons of neglect.)
The rancid poisons spread within and by those I care most about and their effects continue to this very day and they're no more true about me then they were about my girls. It baffles me to no end how those that lived with or knew me for decades could believe them. Little by little their inner feelings were overridden with outward appearances indicating otherwise; there is also the fact of these missing memories, the first of which manifested in Mema, then Mom and Wendy who has no known excuse to have forgotten the very serious memory of her 'designed coincidence' of being coerced into settling her sexual harassment suit via her TV being moved into the center of her living room. As I told the WCPD, when it appeared they thought I'd broken some law, I'm still willing to take the "100% accurate", Brain Fingerprint to prove, beyond all doubt, these are ALL just social poisons, created for the purpose of divide and conquer; that my girls were fantastic ladies and that I had more to do with this than anyone; at least until the harassment started and they were not given a fair shake by the public school system; not even close. Furthermore, there are several very credible motives that could be the underlying trigger with circumstantial and physical evidence to back them up. I now know the ranking officers are not only fully aware of these tactics, but some departments employ some of them on any of their own staff they'd like to move along. It's a well known tenet of psychology, that minus any serious psychological injury, people do not develop mid-life mental illnesses; that in fact these always present early in life usually as a kid as my ADHD did, or at puberty. (The statements by two members of my family that "I've always been paranoid" are based on their lack of knowledge of things like fluoride, x-rays and Teflon; one of the reasons for these feelings was a person that Viki knew that could not be trusted, both Wendy and mom were warned and they called me paranoid. (Curiously he did come back and try to steal Wendy's money, yet the feeling did not change.)
Frankly I'm a little surprised that some of you cannot step back and see the overall picture of the poisons just within the family. This is likely due to having only the pieces of your individual experiences and portions of a very poisonous 'pie'. The overall picture, at the personal level with our network of friends, to the family level, is quite consistent and these poisons remaining within the family were the coup de gras in the isolation war.
However, now that I'm aware of and recognize past symptoms of literal brainwashing, I'm starting to lose hope of this issue ever rectifying itself as if they will believe that I'd pass poisons on to Jordan about her mom just after she'd attempted to take her life, then they'd believe anything. Not to mention ignoring the hard physical evidence of a wiretap in our attic,
this on top of the mountain of anecdotal evidence of bugs of some sort. However sloppy it was those two clearly white tabs on the wires are where they were spliced back together then the wiretap operation was complete. Those telephone wires had been buried under 6-9 inches on insulation when we had our attic insulated as part of the PG&E special program with Diablo Insulation. [It's amazing how many businesses and places have 'Diablo' as part of their moniker; the WCPD has a 666 in their address, coincidentally of course.]
These poisons of gossip first tore at our network of friends in the community, at the schools via the 'whisper network', with some of my business friends that I'd just met at Peoplesoft and Pinnicle Rock, and they then tore at our relationships with each other. Gossip was passed directly within the family via overheard conversations and frequently negative assumptions made about them; sometimes this was accidental and other times it was not, but was the result of hurt feelings or plain old survival instincts, if not greed. Sometimes this information was affected by the feelings of betrayal or erroneous feelings about that person as happened with Mema. These emotions can take a fact and turn it into a tale. With each step gossip takes it's affected by the feelings of the recipient of the subject and it takes on a completely new life of its own. It quickly becomes something quite different that the original perceived transgression; if there was a transgression at all. If the targets of the gossip, or their children, can be lured into a social faux pas, people that in their hearts know the person best start to question whether they were wrong.
This gossip was more recently was passed indirectly via secondary "family" members on some ancient skeletons of half truth. Previously, poisons were attempted to be interjected via minor car 'accidents' on the part of what some call “fake friends” with family vehicles. This was recognized as possibly such and I nipped it in the bud as I did not want Courtney and Jordan's relationship to be affected. Gossip passed directly through our network of friends via misstatements and 'misquotes' in school newspapers. The gossip and Mobbing material that was manufactured by teachers, hinting through meta-communications, that my kids were cheaters and thieves happened several times and at each school. I believe each and every time I was told which highly suggests it was all lies; just as the suggestions with the stolen jewelry that happened with Courtney when she was invited to a new 'friends' house. While I knew better every single time, due to knowing my kids, why do they not equally know me? I'm the one that told them to "Always tell the truth", to "Always be respectful of the feelings of others."; the latter was easy for them as they have very good hearts that were ripped to shreds by this system of isolating them from their decent childhood friends.
When Courtney went off to Cal Poly, further gossip material was setup through several vehicles. The most serious was the 'photo shoot'. She was well motivated to participate by someone that was said to have "connections to Hollywood where she could be discovered." She was first put into a black bathing suit and then switched into a winter month. Then it was just a matter of coaching, and leveraging a teens natural desire to want to be a model, to show the top of the bathing suit, “It's only a bathing suit!”. This, naturally was left off the byline, and the image was published, but I knew better. I know how my kids were pre-brainwashing and I don't believe that can be undone permanently.
One wonders if that's the function of these periodic pill popping incidents with Jordan. To get her into the 'mental care' facility to 'tune up' or continue her brainwashing. (It's common knowledge some California mental health hospitals were quite active in the re-programming research going on with the Feds under several programs, including MKULTRA and it's sub projects.
I believe the reason for the blindness to what's going on with me is there are few that know the overall picture; in fact there's only one. (ME) Some due to the anxiety believing there's something scary going on would cause, some because “it's negative” and don't want to know negative information; these types chose ignorance, but still retained their unfounded opinions, feelings and strong judgments despite missing half the information on the problem.
However, I am sure you all know the destructive nature of gossip and how an innocent truth can take on the life of monstrous deeds if the gossiper has ill feelings or even ulterior motives. How you not seen the experiment with five people lined up and then the first person is told a story? Each person, without these features of ill feelings or motives, in line is told a story and at after the last person is told the story they final version is repeated out loud and compared to the first. The difference was quite shocking, but when you add to the “line of people” hurt feelings, anger, greed or ill motives the information is twisted beyond any resemblance of the actual truth. I will never forget when Jordan had witnessed 'respected' peers modeling gossip for her. She said, “I thought it was what you were supposed to do.” She then said, “But when I did it I got in trouble!” (ie. With her peer 'friends'.)
The book mentioned above was a large part of what made me want mom to use museums, parks, zoos, buy books and encourage you to enrich your brain. To have incredible conversations like we used to have that resulted in deep thoughts I'll never forget. These moments are the treasures that we all have with our kids. Besides providing a context for a deeper relationship, I felt those other activities like shopping or being 'made pretty', that are dominant in our culture, said, via meta-communications, my kids were not good enough just the way they were and also encouraged materialism. As you were being blasted by those images from numerous other media sources it did not unreasonable, at the time, to request that mom do otherwise with her granddaughter and as soon as she agreed appointments to do these things were made and if anyone is saying this was just my doing they are not being truthful. (Whether these were followed through with are another story as I believe mom was being encouraged to do things that could further cause rifts, like ignoring what we wanted for our kid and do what she thought was 'fun', enriching or sweet. :) Are relationships built on gifting and material things well founded? The best relationships in my life were built on just spending time together doing nothing but walking in a forest, camping, sitting and talking about what we saw, nature, the stars, fond memories or whatever came up. You know those special people that require no activity, no entertainment to enjoy their company.
Of course knowing what I now know now every minute you should have spent with mom would have been important, but how was I to know she'd get a tumor and be referred to three malpracticing doctors in a row?
It should not have astonished me to learn how all this was twisted and taken out of context into such negative propaganda as "Shopping is bad for you" or having your hair or nails done "is bad for you" or that "mom was a bad influence". However, have no doubt, Wally's long term, usually subtle, jabs of disrespect towards her and me, the twisting of truths and internal fire-fanning was what damaged my relationship with my mom, but when her life was threatened it seemed to vanish. This went on for most of their relationship and in tandem with the most difficult time of my life watching my young teenage girls take on serious attack after attack. How many teenage girls in a Walnut Creek School has to deal with gang threats to their life? (BOTH MINE DID; assuming their memories are in tact.) Is it true that “a lie if told often enough and long enough eventually becomes the truth.” (That and whatever was causing her memories to disappear and completely fabricated information to appear in their place; the latter often caused her to react with piercing verbal comments during what should have been special events like Courtney's graduation.)
Another issue I recall was our decision to have two separate birthday celebrations to have a peaceful birthday minus public scenes of displeasure from expectations that we should pay regardless of the cost; these were with our immediate family and then the greater family at another event. This triggered by the very uncomfortable public scene and expectations made during the birthday dinners for Court and Wendy at Scots Seafood in Walnut Creek; what's odd is that even though this was a mutual agreement between Viki and I this too was twisted to my request. Viki had been very upset at Wendy's constant 'forgetting' to pay her share and then denying it; Viki used and saved emails on the last occasion that happened during Pepa's funeral over a rental van, and Wendy's 'recollection' was forced to be recanted; I doubt any remuneration transpired however and this despite I drove all the way from Phoenix in the rental truck she used to bring back her inheritances from Mema. We had those celebrations to have good quality and peaceful time with family and Wendy's never apologizing or taking responsibility for her actions indicated a complete lack of remorse; we wanted peaceful and predictable birthday celebrations with our girls. To further stir the pot, Wally pointed out to mom that he once picked up Chinese food that including "my good friend Gladys". Gladys was mom's friend and yet she actually repeated his words to me. She was already very ill or something to not recall this.
During Court's HS graduation party Wally had mom make the comment that “we just stopped by to eat.” Wendy's words that “Wally's an ass” is a gross understatement; he'd been stirring the pot of trouble for well over ten years and he was affecting mom's behavior by spoon feeding her anger. IMHO, his forcing mom to watch over and over scenes of people being cut, shot or maimed on TV, via their TIVO was abuse; mom said they were so traumatizing she had to close her eyes. She said for “him it was like a roller coaster ride”; a sort of high watching people get hurt. What type of person gets a high off of this sort of human to human horror?
One of Wally's first big slams to mom was the time was at Wendy's party when I asked him where his better half was. He responded 'Who? Bear?' and said nothing when I walked away. Then later he told Wendy and mom he was “just kidding”; this is a well used boilerplate corporate political response, coincidentally I'm sure.
Wendy called me once and asked, "Is it true you're part of a group that wants to overthrow the government?" This is exactly, word for word, what was asked. After I stopped laughing she was asked where that came from; she said mom told her. How could mom alone have interpreted that from my being involved in an activist group attempting to literally stop the legislation that would do the opposite? (Another irony is when I told mom that this “offshoring/non-immigrant visa” issue was going to crash our economy, that it had been done before and always seems to happen in capitalism, mom's response was that she's not going to live to see it; my response was that she would. I certainly wish she had been wrong. The activist group to which I belonged was trying to stop the economic mistake made by the Roman Patriarchs in their economy. Do you, Jordan, recall your hard work during your 6th grade summer, prepping for 7th grade social studies? This was where we learned together when the Patriarchs of Rome were coached into replacing their local workforce with too many slaves from the conquests; it crashed their economy. Ironically, America has still not done anything to reverse this same "mistake" called “Offshoring”. However, it was 1998 when Clinton signed the so-called "American Competitiveness Act" that accelerated this rerun of the Roman “mistake”.
All these sayings attributed to me, each and every one, are twisted, if not fabricated versions some with a hint truth. They were also pulled completely out of context for the purposes of creating trouble. What other explanation could there be? Just like the one leveraging the normal behavior of a jealous dog, by standing in "my space", was twisted into her "Teaching her dog to pee on just my foot." This is jealous dog behavior 101: get too close to their master, or visa-versa in this case, and they'll "mark you". Wally and Dana then walked over to the gate and Wally loudly said, “Heck let's give him some more water.” But what was the purpose of the twisting and why could no one, apparently, see this and all the other numerous 'jokes'? Like mom niche in her 'lovers' main priorities which as mom put it were 1) His Money, 2) His kids, 3) His Dog, 4) His 'love'
What is embarrassing is it did not even occur to me, in my tunnel vision that mom was in one of these types of businesses for most of her life; a prior life, but still a huge part thereof. She never could talk to me about these feelings which is unfortunate as I do know she too would have wanted whatever was best for you both and the theme of this book is undeniably true. Her ill feelings were, at one point before she was sick, strongly felt, but I stupidly let my hurt feelings as a result of her words get in the way of communications and better relations. This is a very common mistake in my side of the family and this was poorly modeled by me. I hope you can learn from our mistakes and if feathers get ruffled let them first settle down, try to look at the issue through the eyes of the other person and then discuss the issue to iron out the feelings. Frequently, you'll find the cause of discontent is something being heard that was not even said, but assumed on the part of the listener; this will not keep them from insisting on the fact you said what you know you did not. When this was happening with Courtney I put a tape recorder down and when it happened again it was played back. If I recall correctly she was surprised; this was a great learning experience for me, and I'd learned that people sometimes innocently hear things that are not being said. Being a programmer make you a careful listener, sometimes too careful as most others are unaware of the ambiguous nature of verbal communications and software designers listen to what's said not what might be implied.
Instead of acting on mom's feelings I reacted with pain, but said nothing, and then suddenly once she was sick those feelings in her vanished. Just like with Mema, the reasons were never known of until long past the amount of time she could have been expected to recall.
Too often we can just react and in our hurt feelings don't ask questions that would allow detection of whats called 'spin-doctoring' of information. I too made that huge mistake when, almost a full year later, it was learned that Mema was to have said that "I stole from her". Even though mom said she denied using the word 'stole', I believed Jimmy and offered to take every item back. This was almost a full year after the deed had occurred. I was shocked and deeply hurt that Mema, Linda and Gary, could have thought me capable of such things, but after her having told me of her neighbor stealing her toothpaste, this was attributed to her very real paranoia. However, I did end up with a box of stuff that included pellets for their sewer system; that box did have stuff that was not intended to take.
Naturally, I had no way of knowing our time on this earth with her would be so limited and knowing what I know today there would have been a full conversation with her so she did fully understood it was not about her. It WAS, at times, about influences that she'd been raised with that were not within her control, never personal at all, but much more the bad influences that she was being coached into.
